How To Get Paid What You Are WorthMar 08, 2021
Today we are going to take a hard look at how you see your own value and how this translates into how others are paying you.
This is important because it affects everything – your success, your career, your life. Being able to challenge your value cannot be dismissed.
I mentioned in an earlier post that challenging your value is messy and complex. It is so intertwined with your view of yourself and the view others have of you – especially the view of those that we care about like your partner, children or parents. But I have found there are several issues within this complexity that once you are aware of them, you can start to see yourself as the high value woman you are and get paid accordingly.
One issue is Thoughts verses Emotions. When you go to your emotional side, getting paid your worth becomes more difficult. And unfortunately, the thoughts you have will always be overwritten by the emotions you are feeling.
To address this, you have to start with the emotion side. If there is a battle between your thoughts and your emotions, the emotions will almost always win. This is because women often react with emotion as opposed to thought. Men blame it on our hormones and what they assume is the way women are designed but this doesn’t have to be the case at all.
The most common emotion that takes over is fear. And when this happens you become paralyzed and become like many creatures in nature…the prey for the hunter. This is when confiding in a trusted advisor or mentor becomes priceless. Such a person can help you regain perspective.
Another common issue is The Replay Loop. These are the messages you play over and over in your head - most of which aren’t positive. Aileen Castellano, a top psychologist, refers to this as the “Roar”. According to her, these voices on replay can be so loud that it drowns out the internal voice that women have.
To deal with this replay, you have to recognize where this voice started – was it from a childhood experience, or from something your partner told you or maybe something society pushes. No matter where it comes from, you have to have the courage to ask the question – is what I hear as the roar…is it true? Awareness is so key to addressing this issue. Left unaddressed, you will not value yourself to the max, nor will others. And you won’t challenge someone when they say you are not worth that amount of money.
The last issue I want to mention is Walking the Walk. This is about confronting reality head on. Walking the walk is not about faking it until you make it. Anything but. It is about knowing in your core who you are and what value you bring to the table. And when we know this as a woman, you play the game of business differently. There is no fear nor illusion about who you are and what your value is – just clarity.
When you can walk the walk, your thoughts and emotions are aligned and grounded so accepting your value feels natural. No need to pretend or escape. It is a natural and organic flow. And people will notice. But, if they don’t react the way you want them to, you have the confidence to challenge them...you know your worth.
However, walking the walk doesn’t come without work – I am not implying it does. A good way to know if you are walking the walk is to ask others how they see you. If you don’t get the answers you want, then it’s time to do the work (and change the walk).
The statistics show that women are still paid less than men in most areas. It’s time we all learn our worth and be willing to stand up for the pay we deserve. And being aware of these issues is a good place to start.
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